Lately I've received two things in the mail that I didn't want:
1) Bender Ball with VHS video tapes
2) GQ Magazine
Let me begin with item #1. The Bender Ball with VHS video tapes. Now in truth, I actually half wanted this item. Or more precisely, Schuyler half wanted this item. She ordered it by phone and did her best to navigate their confusing system in hopes of getting the Bender Ball with instructional DVDs. Well, it came in the mail about a month later with VHS tapes. I was assigned the job of calling Bender Ball to complain. I spoke with a girl who through broken English repeatedly called me "ma'am" and told me there was nothing she could do. After calling me "ma'am" for like the fifth time, I told her that I was not a woman and that she was just making the situation worse. I eventually ended my conversation with her without success. I made Schuyler call them back another day and she was able to fix the problem (we think). Our new Bender Ball with DVDs is supposedly in the mail. I can't wait to use the Bender method of core training to sculpt my abs.
Now onto item #2. GQ Magazine. A few months ago Schuyler and I answered our front door to find a couple of high school hoodlums selling magazines. After a weak attempt at getting them to go away, I made the fatal mistake of telling them that Schuyler's People Magazine subscription had expired. They took advantage of their opening and soon we were handing them cash in exchange for a People subscription. Months and months then went by and Schuyler and I would always joke about how those hoodlums probably just pocketed our cash. But recently, out of the blue, we began receiving GQ Magazine. GQ!? Seriously? Who reads GQ anyway? Judging from their articles, its audience is primarily rich, metrosexual republican men. I made fun of it and then within a week Schuyler caught me reading it. I now know all about the latest male fashions. I guess getting GQ wasn't THAT bad after all.